JarHead

I had a withered piece of a red rubber jar opener in my kitchen drawer that I had been using for over a decade. Opening lids has been a challenge for me, even as a teen. My joints tend to be the weak point due to EDS (Ehlers- Danlos Syndrome), instead of the bottle or jar I am twisting. When I moved out of the family home during the divorce, I was sure to take the jar opener. Several jar openers were purchased over the years, but they were not effective, so this scrap of rubber was a prized possession for my daughter and me in our cozy apartment.

One evening, my daughter, my partner, and I were eating at my kitchen table. My partner grabbed a sealed jar of artichokes and popped it open with his bare hands! My daughter and I looked at him, like he was an amazing beast, because he didn’t even need to use the little bit of red rubber we would have had to walk over to retrieve from the drawer. He was confused by our dramatic reaction, until I explained how difficult it is for us both to open jars.

A few weeks later, my partner and I were at his place. He was going into his morning meditation and asked me to make us tea to enjoy together when he finished, which sounded like a sweet morning ritual to me. I walked into the kitchen and tried to open a new bottle of spring water to heat, but the lid wouldn’t budge. I tried again, and I felt my shoulder twist instead. Shooting pains and no tea time promptly after meditation were my new reality.

I sat with the pain and the emotions that came up. Why didn’t I ask for help? I didn’t want to interrupt my partner while he was meditating. How many times have I felt like I was bothering people, when I simply had a need? This was common in my childhood and previous relationships.

I felt my sadness about not having tea prepared for us as I had envisioned, with the early morning light pouring around us in his kitchen. I felt my fear about letting him down. I felt my big imagination explore what he might say. I knew it was being dramatic. The pain started to subside with my attention. And then he walked into the kitchen, with the freshness of a meditated mind, and quickly assessed that I needed a hug. I explained that I didn’t have my cherished red rubber lid opener, first of all. Then I expressed my physical and emotional pain. We concluded, while he held me, that asking for help, even while the other is meditating, is warranted to prevent injuries.

The red rubber jar opener began decomposing soon after this incident, red crumbs dusted the contents of the drawer. I searched the internet for jar openers again and found JarHeads on Amazon. A faint memory of someone telling me this brand of jar openers actually works played in my mind. I bought them, and they do work! The little red rubber scrap went into the trash bin, rather unceremoniously, despite its previous value. Now as I pack a JarHead opener to take to my partner’s house, I wonder why I didn’t buy them when someone initially suggested them to me. Then realized the timing presented an opportunity to process my pain within the container of a healthy partnership.

I am not being paid to advertise, but here is a link for fellow bendy, often independent people: https://a.co/d/glhQYJR